Midnight has passed. It is now 2011. 2010 is gone forever. It was just a few hours ago that I was trying to decide how I wanted to spend the last evening of 2010. I went with the parents out to eat. Since I work in a restaurant, I am well aware that simply because it's a Friday night means that many places will be busy. And surely they were. After we returned home, I somehow convinced myself to dust off my gym card and make a trip to the gym. The gym was empty. Everyone was out celebrating the start of a new year. I'm not sure how I feel about the spirit of a new year. Even though it follows on the coattails of the Christmas season, it's not difficult to think of them separately. Many people think of a new year as a clean slate, a chance to start all over again. It's strange that we all seem to block together years instead of months, weeks, days, or the time between birthdays. No, we think of each year to be separate from others.
I would like to think of a new year as another opportunity to better myself. As I examine myself, not just in 2010, but years before, I see plenty of areas in which I could use improvement. I hate to say the word 'resolution', so I'm going to avoid using that word. Anyhow, I just have one thing to ask: What if we all could stick to our goals? What if we could keep our eyes on the prize even when life gets extremely hectic? How much better off would we be if we could still see progress in October of the efforts we began in January?
I desire in this new year for my first aim is to be more patient. Everything in life that is worth waiting for requires time. Even a meal warming up in the microwave takes 3 minutes to cook. Yes, it's worth waiting for because I'm hungry and/or it's tasty. Work goes hand in hand with patience. I can't expect to find a job unless I go out and put in applications and hand out my resume. Most likely, a job opportunity isn't going to come knocking on my door. It requires work and patience. A college degree definitely doesn't come for free either. It requires countless hours of studying, reading, and neglecting some priorities which don't help bring about a valuable education. Getting an education is a lot of work. Those are two examples of things that require work. But what about things that don't require work? Well, I have to admit, I'm patient with technology. I'm not a person who gets upset when something isn't working properly. I don't yell at it and beat it, claiming it should be working right because it's an advancement in technology. No, I just see them for what they are. Man-made machines that eventually will fail.
I'm also patient with people but maybe not in the way you would think. The person standing in line getting annoyed because the customer ahead is having a great conversation with the cashier? No, that's not me. I'm the person who, in the past, was not able to sit down and enjoy a good conversation, one on one. Sometimes I can, but sometimes I have too much on my mind. So this year, I want to slow down in all the busyness of life and savor the simple pleasures of conversation. Listening. Comprehending. Thinking. Learning. Responding. And to think, which I was younger I was extremely shy and quiet. Often times I would avoid situations, phone calls where I had to talk to people because I was terrified of not being able to keep a conversation going! Nonetheless I really want to be more patient when it comes to people. And if you're reading this and one day we just happen to be talking and I seem restless, (I never show it but if it slips out) then remind me on this blog, please and thank you.
Moving along, I also desire to have and exercise continuous boldness. I naturally have a quiet personality and rising from the shadowy way I was raised has been tough. There have been times when my self esteem is very high and then rock bottom. The confidence never seems to stay. It wasn't until this last year that I earnestly started seeking boldness in every area of my life. It has never been first nature, but merely something I had to think about before acting on it. I recall challenging myself to talk to one person I didn't know within a certain time period while I was in school. It was very tough but I did it, with voice shaking, face sweating. Not a very easy task, but achievable nonetheless.I was never the kid who was involved in all sports, was athletic, and had a ton of friends. I was the one who was dreading going to school to face the real world and have people see that I didn't have many friends. I always wanted attention, especially from girls but I didn't always get it, which I'm glad I didn't because I realize now there is no way I would be able to handle it all. I would've just crumbled under the pressure.
You would think that my security level would be much higher and I believe it should. I've been around people who have been totally shocked when I speak of my times of insecurity. But it's true. I've come a long way from avoiding any means of conversation to speaking in front of a few people to a large number of people. In 2010, moving more out of my shell was probably my largest personal accomplishment. I only wish to keep the momentum going. I understand that being insecure is always being humble. But, my goodness, you eventually have to read a point where you aren't ashamed for speaking up at all. I believe you can realize you're out of line without being embarrassed. It's entertaining to think of the journey annnnnd I only hope to be moving forward and outward ;)
The last virtue I would desire to have this year is diligence. Some things are really hard to keep going. The one thing that pops in my mind right away is my guitar. How many times over the years since I received the instrument when I was 13 did I pick it up, learn a few chords, get the calluses, and put the thing down? I couldn't tell you. It's ridiculous. When life becomes busy, that is one of the talents to go first. And the bad thing is it's basically relearning the same techniques just about every time. So yes, I do have my eye on you this year, guitar. And I have plans for you and I, which will come to pass once the time arrives. Another is my exercise routine. Funny, I can come up with excuses the whole way from any point A, of your choice, to any point B, as to why I shouldn't work out today. I will admit that I failed miserably at keeping up with working out in the past six months. I know it's a task that I really need to do and it's just one of those things that I see it in my near future that I will be making myself do it.
Another area is my college studies. I have an odd problem of not being able to readily remember things very well unless I spend a lot of time studying them. I also have issues with hearing songs in my head when I'm studying. That's particularly why during finals week of this last semester I didn't listen to an entire song for over a week. It greatly helped. But I can't afford to be a student who gets by with half-effort anymore. I do care about my grades but sometimes it's a struggle to focus. When you're in school, spending your time wisely is soo crucial.
I would also desire to commit to reading my Bible more. This past year I've definitely improved my prayer life. But that's just one part of maintaining a spiritual life. My Bible reading has sorely been lacking. I have a Bible app on my iPhone but sadly it hasn't been used much. So what I need is discipline. My conscience tears at me when I go one day without praying. I need the same guilty conscience to tug on me when I go one day without reading the Bible. I need to look at this life's road map more often than I have been.
3 things: Patience, Boldness, and Diligence in 2011.
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